Porn is love you can see.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
