Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
