Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
