Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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