just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
