OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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