He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
so let's talk penis.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
