Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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