Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
