What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
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