Your mouth is God's brothel.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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