I cockslap morals
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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