Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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