4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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