I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
