Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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