So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
