i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize