he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
