Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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