Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
