smell my finger.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
