I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
