So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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