I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
