Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just had sex bonerless
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
