he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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