Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
