I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
