you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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