from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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