On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
