I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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