I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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