She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
