I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
