highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
