the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
