told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
