How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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