I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
