So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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