this just has baby written all over it
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
