I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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