Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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