How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You need a sexual gate keeper
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
