One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
