he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
