hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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