Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
