god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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