walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
