Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
