You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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