We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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