dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
