the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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