He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
