just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
