at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
