Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
