So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
