My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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