Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize