booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The adults are the big ones right?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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