Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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