Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
