It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
