Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
