Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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