i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
