We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Drunk is not a location!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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