where does the pee come out of this thing
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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