You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
