I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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